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If You Have Been Single for a while…

There are many women today who have been single for a while or indeed for much of their life, here are some of the most common reasons why they are single...

1 You have a habit of being single

Some people are in the habit of being in a relationship – you know those people who always seem to have a boyfriend or girlfriend – they break up with someone, they bounce back, start dating again and the next thing you know they have a new boyfriend. It's not a coincidence that they are back in a relationship so quickly – that is their norm. One of my clients was talking about a friend she knew who had been in a relationship for 6 years, she then wanted to buy a house and live together. Her boyfriend didn't want that so they broke up and 3 months later she was dating again – within the year she had met someone new.

My client Mary who had been single for many years said it seemed so easy for her friend. I said no – she has a different mind-set from you, a different default setting around relationships. There are some people who are often single, they might date someone, but if so – it's brief and then they are single again, because their default setting, their norm is to be single. Know that the people who have a habit of being in a relationship – have a different mind-set from you, they have different beliefs, habits, actions around dating and relationships that bring them a very different result. Their mind-set is why they are usually in a relationship – it isn't luck.

2 You are afraid of rejection

Don't worry, that's normal, you share that with every person on this planet, that's right everyone with a heartbeat and skin has a fear of rejection, it's part of being human. However, left unchecked, it will hold you back, preventing you from ever having a loving, passionate, fulfilling relationship. Those people you see who seem so confident, have learned to be that way. They know that rejection is part of life. Just as it happens in work and with friends, just as you don't get every job you go for, just as you don't end up being friends with every person you would like to be friends with, so you don't end up with every guy you go on a date with.

It isn't necessarily personal either even though it can sometimes feel like it is. For e.g. when a guy has been rejected himself, when a girlfriend has broken up with him, he may not be in the right place for a relationship, even if he is dating. People in sales know that it is a numbers game and that for every 10 people they speak to they get 2 sales, they then feel happy talking to each person because they know each conversation leads them to the sale. As well as each date bringing you closer to a great guy, dating is also invaluable because of the experience you get, the knowledge and understanding of what's really important to you, as well as greater understanding and insight into how man think.

3 You may not be giving out the right vibe

If you have been focused on your career, know that being in work mode, busy, organised, get things done mode is probably not going to be as effective for attracting guys as switching on the sparkle, i.e. showing your warm, relaxed, playful, light-hearted side. When you are at work focused and getting things done, it is a very different energy than when you are relaxed on the weekend with friends. To maximise your chances of success, whenever you go on a date or are socialising and meeting men, make sure you switch out of work mode and into play mode. When you show your playful, light-hearted side is when men find you most enchanting…